Letter to Fufu my Best Friend (comedy)
My dear fufu, how bad it has become that people now take you for granted.
A lot of children address you by your name, ‘fufu’ without adding the ‘Sir’ prefix.
I know it is not your fault because you cannot do anything to them. Instead of fighting for your rights, you still see yourself walking into their wide door (mouth) and going straight into the dark which leaves you in an unknown destination.
At the end of the day, you will come out through the anus in a different shape and disgusting smell.
Well, I am not insulting you, I am only trying to remind you that when you die, you shall surely rise again as a different species.
Dear fufu, I know that you have for long-missed me, especially the way I wrap you and deep you into the egusi soup.
Among all the people that eat fufu in this world, I am the only person that eats you the way you like.
You fell in love with me especially when you heard I broke up with my girlfriend because of you.
She asked me to choose between you and her and trust me, I had no option but to choose you.
In case you love fufu see how to make one
Unfortunately, it is not my fault. She called for it and I gave it to her, the way it came out from my heart.
I am not the kind of person that hides my feelings. I say it the way they are.
Fufu, you know it was because of you that I left Dubai and returned to Biafra land.
Some people said I was a madman because I came home because of you. But unfortunately, they don’t know that someone can do anything because of love.
My dear fufu, it was because of that same love that brought me back from Dubai that made me fight my teacher.
She spoke ill about you and I gave her the shocking beating of her life.
No one dares my fufu and goes away with it. As long as you are there to quench my hunger, I don’t have any problem.
They said eating in the dream is bad but I don’t mind dreaming over and over again just to ensure I finish the last wrap of fufu.
Even after reading this letter, the reader might think that I am going crazy. Well, who will not be crazy if he or she is in love with fufu?
Only those who have not tasted fufu before will just stand at the other side of the fence and tell you that you are crazy.
Joseph thought he was man enough to tell me that he can never eat fufu in his life. Today, he is even competing with me as the best fufu eater.
I heard that the government of this country wants to ban fufu. Well, will you blame a government that doesn’t know their left from their right?
Coronavirus wanted to destroy us. It made garri become a hot cake and by implication, the price for garri skyrocketed.
You remained your usual fifty Naira (N50) per wrap though decreasing in size.
It is not easy anyways. Where $50 can buy a thousand of you, N50 can only buy just one of you with so much pleading.
That is to say, that even the Nigerian currency respects your supremacy.
Don’t bother about those who will sacrifice you on the altar of garri, just bear in mind that there are people who still care about you.
I especially love your fufu. Let no man think he can talk me away from loving you because you remain that single thing that represents a girlfriend.
Bye for now and be prepared for me tonight because I am eating you as my dinner. At least the egusi soup mom prepared yesterday is remaining.
Your best friend, Esther…….