Home Furniture: The Craziest Family Story Of The Month
Friday was almost coming to an end and a call came in. It was dad and he said he was coming with new home furniture.
“Yeah!” Everyone rejoiced. Daddy’s new wife who doubles as our stepmother asked what was making us happy.
We told her that daddy was bringing back with him new home furniture. Her mouth was wide open as it was visible and wide enough to allow flies to penetrate. She was so surprised as she wondered what we meant by home furniture.
“What do you mean by home furniture?” She asked.
The once jubilating children paused for the moment and looked at their stepmother who doesn’t know the meaning of home furniture.
“Are you trying to tell us that you don’t know the meaning of furniture?” Juan asked.
Juan is the third child of our late mommy. She is also the youngest and the only female child.
Daddy got married to a new wife so that we won’t be feeling the absence of our late mom.
“What is home furniture?” our stepmother asked again. I was quick to tell her that it is made up of those materials used to enhance the quality of a house. Examples are chairs, tables, sofas etc. “They are those materials made from wood”.
This was the only definition she crammed. Among everything that I told her, home furniture as everything or anything made from wood was the only definition she remembered.
Before the day could come to an end, daddy entered with a mighty sofa. The type that can be seen in the house of rich men and women.
The whole family celebrated it and my stepmother told my father, “I am happy you bought this home furniture”. My father was amazed she was able to know the right word for that material.
From my father’s reaction, I came to realise that his new wife who is now our stepmother needed a proper academic upbringing.
Everything Became A Home Furniture
While she was cooking in the kitchen, she called my little sister Juan to get her the furniture.
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Juan was confused. She came to me and told me that our stepmother asked her to bring home furniture.
I told her to take the smallest chair which our mom usually uses when she is in the kitchen.
She took the chair to our stepmother and the woman nearly shouted her soul out of her body.
She asked her to go get the home furniture she instructed.
Little Juan cried to us (I and Michael) where we were busy watching Tom and Jerry. She told me that our stepmother was shouting at her.
Quickly I went to the kitchen to enquire exactly what she was asking for.
“I said, get me the home furniture” she thundered.
Since the new sofa, the centre table in the sitting room and the small chair in the kitchen are the only pieces of furniture that we have, we decided to take the sofa to the kitchen for her.
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I called Michael to assist me. Michael is my immediate younger brother and the senior to Juan.
He helped me and we carried the heavy sofa to the kitchen.
“Chinekemee!” She exclaimed (Chinekemee, is an Igbo word for ‘Oh my God!’). What is this she asked?
“Home furniture” Michael replied.
“This is not what I mean. I am talking about home furniture. The one you use in turning food inside the pot”. She said, stirring her hands high above the pot which was already boiling.
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We don’t even understand what she is talking about. How on Earth can one use furniture to turn food in a pot?
What She Meant By Home Furniture
She left us and went to bring by herself what she was talking about.
She came out with a spoon. The type used to collect rice or any kind of food from the pot.
“But this is not furniture, it is just a spoon,” Juan blasted with her tiny voice.
“But you said anything made of wood is home furniture,” she reminded me.
I was so embarrassed at what was happening. So because the spoon she was holding is made of wood that qualifies it as home furniture?
Well, I don’t blame her. It’s my father that we blame for marrying a woman who we don’t think smelt of primary education or even secondary.
We were short of words. I just begged Michael to assist me to carry the chair back to where we brought it from.
Who is to be blamed in this situation? Honestly, this is one of the craziest things that has ever happened in my family.